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look around there is no one else... [30 Mar 2006|02:19am]
[ mood | magical ]

so i just had one of the most strange amazing moments in my life. and i'm so glad i had that because everything seems all right now.

i had met this waiter at one of my favorite resteraunts... and i thought he was amazing. and i had gone back and hadn't seen him there... but the last time i was there and he was my waiter i gave him a card with my name on it and number and said we should hang out. i felt really good about doing that.

i never heard from him.

i was out tonight with ellen and bevan.

on the way walking home on avenue a i pass this attractive boy in a group of guys. he passes me and then starts calling i know you. i continue walking until i hear him saying i know you i know you louder. so i stop and turn around and he walks up to me. and he says i know you. i'm like from where... he said that he used to wait tables at max until he was fired for telling them they had bad music. he then asked me what my name was. i said illyse. he said jesse. we shook hands. he reeked of alcohol. i felt glad that he recognized me. he had changed his hair and i almost didn't remember him.

he told me this was his last night in new york. that he was moving to montana tomorrow. a place he used to spend his summers. some national park. i said how amazing and how beautiful that will be.

i told him i once slipped him a card. he said he saw and remembered that card and said he knew he was moving and so he didn't call.

i told him how unfortunate it was that he was not ever going to be in my life. i asked him if he was ever coming back here. he said maybe in 10 years.

i said until then. and wished him luck in his new life in a new place.

he did the same.

it was the best goodbye of my life. the best goodbye to a relationship that never began. and showed me how indirectly people are connected... and how someone i barely knew could have such an effect on my life.

it means nothing and it means so much at the same time. i'm really glad we both shared that moment.

i wonder if he'll ever think of me again.

11 traffic lights| on the ride home

it's been a long way home. [05 Mar 2006|02:30am]
i forgot i had one of these.

it's almost been another year since i've updated this.

i've lived in 2 places since the last entry and am now on my third. i live in a one bedroom by myself in the east village.

it's pretty fantastic.

that music video went amazingly well and came out pretty good.

i just shot an experimental film a week ago.

i'm also working on a feature with a very good production designer.

life is good. if i don't direct music videos i'm going to make video art or be a production designer haha.

i've finally taken advantage of all the museum and galleries here. they are amazing and make me happy.

i watch too many movies.

i miss the warmth and the water.

i want to see my friends.

i still have all the same problems i think.

but things are getting better. i'm in a much happier positive healthier place and that is good.

i am finally getting things accomplished and being a real person.

i've thrown away all my childhood crutches.

and i started new this year.

i'm looking forward to what this year brings because last year wasn't that good.

i think i'm going to europe this summer and that would be incredible. if i do i'll turn 20 there.

so i decided that every even year i need to spend my birthday in an exotic locale.

i'm not sure what else to write.

i want to fix up my apartment. it is so cute but i havent done anything and it upsets me.

i need a couch. i need to paint my room chocolate brown and the kitchen mint green.

i need a vacation.

this is a very me/i oriented entry.

i hope this helps me to remember my life somewhat... even though i have left such huge blank chunks.

i'm watching west side story right now.

i forget how much i love this movie.

the end.
13 traffic lights| on the ride home

the perfect home for a perfect family. [30 Mar 2005|06:41am]
[ mood | anxious ]

i haven't written in this thing for 25 years so lets see where to begin.

i've had lots of random hooks ha but i want a boyfriend. and i get sad that i don't have a boyfriend and it makes me want one even more, which means i'll never find one.

i think if i had someone to share my life with in new york i'd be a lot happier... or maybe just constant sex. who knows?

school is okay if almost failing is good. actually i'm just kidding i'm not almost failing but i feel semi worthless and i'm definately not putting in as much effort as i should... also my fucking music video is killing me. i shoot this sunday and things are kind of a mess. i love film, and music videos are what want to do, but it is also the most stressful thing ever and i've had a few nervous break downs... but somehow things usually work out for me and so i'm praying to god they work out this time too... because its a great concept and has the potential to look really beautiful... and i just want to create beautiful things.

i love my life in ny for the most part... but then i get depressed easily over school, not having a boyfriend, and my body. we need to change all these factors. or rather i.

i really miss my friends and family too. i wish everyone would just move to new york. it will make you happier i promise... but it gets lonely sometimes too.

i've seen a lot of good music lately live. bloc party, mark kozelek from RHP (honestly the most beautiful show ever) the walkmen with ben kweller and evan dando played! i've seen more i cant think right now. but i'm seeing of montreal in 2 weeks, which i'm so excited for.

also i found my dream apartment. and we're gonna get it! i'm living with two wonderful girls and i'm very excited. its right on seventh between a and b. so its literally right on the park and in the best area in the world. its a duplex apartment with 2 bathrooms and 3 bedrooms. a balcony on top and a patio below! there is a gym and rooftop access with the most breathtaking view of ny. there is a beautiful courtyard with waterfalls and lights! they display artwork in the lobby. honestly its so ridiculous and i'm so excited. now you can all visit me when ever you want and not have to worry about stupid dorm rules. hopefully this will be a good step forward.

next step. finding an internship and getting a job to pay for my lovely apartment.

its like 6 50 am and i can't sleep. i guess i'm just nervous about my shoot this weekend. there are real dancers and i have a choreographer! i'm high class.. but after this is done i should be ok.

i hope i'll be ok.

i know i'll be ok.

4 traffic lights| on the ride home

[11 Dec 2004|04:33pm]
my life is falling apart and i hate it. i will never be happy. i was never meant to be happy. i will never find anyone. no one will ever like me. its been that way all my life. i hate it. i'm done.
18 traffic lights| on the ride home

this thing is so right! [02 Dec 2004|10:35pm]
holden caulfield is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

though i did it once and fucked up the code put the same answers and got indie is love.haha
6 traffic lights| on the ride home

do you still love me? i do... kind of. [22 Nov 2004|01:57am]
[ mood | so good! ]

i love the royal tenenbaums. i just wrote a paper on it for editing class. it was like my first real paper. i love college haha.

so i shot my short film and it came out REALLY nice, like perfect exposures... i just need to go back out and get some more footage... but thanks to my friendlies it looks goood.

i saw the blow on friday and there were the hotttest men ever. they all live in brooklyn. kayla held up my amazing tool bag for the crowd to see haha and put it away safely for me. so now all the money is worth it. i also gave her my card and told her to let me make her music videos and she said she'd be in touch. and the crazy guy who is yacht was there and he reminds me of veronica. i also love my new little cute asian friend claire! shes amazing.

i saw megan and katlyn FINALLY for the first time since i've been here. it was really good seeing them i miss them so much. i went to a party and claire and i almost died on the way home. i might have met a boy. maybe? we'll see.

i'm coming home on tuesday for a full week! i dont think any of you know how excited i am. i miss home and everyone so much. you better hang out with me!

i've been addicted to shopping lately its realllly bad. i'm supposed to be a poor college student... and i am... but credit cards are my demise. i got the cutesttt marc jacobs heels today. they're amazing. i live for marc jacobs. i also got a karl lagerfield for H&M slip and shirt. super cute. andddd an amazing lovcat wallet. its silver and beautiful. and makeup. that was the damage this weekend. but god there has been so much damage. ny is so expensive =(

but on the other hand the MAC in the bloomingdales in soho might be hiring me which is so incredible. not only will i get more experience doing makeup, butttt i get bloomingdales discounts and MAC! so exciting. i hope i get it. i applied to a lot of MACS though.

i've been working on lots of movies too. i just finished stying an 80s one which was sooo much fun to go shopping for... and it was my first paying job. School here is so good for me. I'm so motivated and really doing well. I'm doing great in school and on outside jobs as well. It makes me happy...this was def the right move even though i'm going to be paying back loans till i die lol.

i know i'm writing a lot but i haven't updated my life in 10,000 years. i've been sad at a lot of points thinking i should not be here... but i should never listen to myself when i say that because ny is the place i need to be.

ok so i'll be home so soon. call me love me... be my friend =)

5 traffic lights| on the ride home

TOMORROW! [04 Nov 2004|05:58pm]
just to let everyone know tomorrow there is going to be a Paul Frank Sample Sale at the Paul Frank Show Room from 12-7. Things are gonna be CHEAP. like 5 or 10 dollars cheap. so go and check it out. thanks =) The address is 515 broadway its inbetween spring and broom by the dean and deluca you can take the 6 train to spring st and walking towards broadway or take the N/R to prince and walk towards spring. Go! it will be worth it I promise.
3 traffic lights| on the ride home

MY VIDEO!!!! [15 Oct 2004|02:17am]
yayyyy i'm so excited.

if you want to see the fatboy slim video. GO HERE! sorry i'm retarded and I can't post a link....

3 traffic lights| on the ride home

blah [11 Oct 2004|11:57pm]
things have been eh...

i mean kind of good and bad in other areas.

but i fucking had dinner with UMA! well not really with her but next to her. it was still amazing. i love how i get starstruck like a little bitch.

i love lester sooo much.

i'm so excited lindsey is coming up this weekend and we will have fun. but i miss little arielle =(

we're gonna see the faint. i also have tickets to blonde redhead and le tigre on halloween! amazing.

i hope i get on the list for deathcab. its soldout and i'll cry. i love knowing people. it excites me and makes me feel a little bit special because i'm a stupid girl.

its getting so cold i love it.

i'm so fucking tired. everyone should move up to ny because its the best place in the world. go see i <3 huckabees. so good.

anyway i'm done. you can send me packages and make me happy. the end.
6 traffic lights| on the ride home

i love my life [27 Sep 2004|09:00pm]
[ mood | amazing ]

i am seriously so happy right now. new york is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

i know its also been forever since i last updated, but i actually have a life now lol.

my classes are fucking amazing. the people i've met are amazing.

i'm trying to get a job. hopefully tomorrow that will be taken care of.

i get to meet paul frank! yay.

i've been dancing and having fun and having the best life ever.

i love college so much. it is everything i needed and more. and these are finally gonna be the best years of my life. highschool fucking sucked.

it is worth every penny coming here. seriously. thanks dara haha.

i miss everyone though. come visit me. namely veronica, grace, jordanna, erika, little sasha, little james, my sisters =(

oh well its fun. i'll show you the time of your lives haha.

i do love my new friends. lester and company hahaha.

well yes thats all for now. have fun. btw my classes are amazing. today i was editing a scene of law and order. so fun.

ok the end.

16 traffic lights| on the ride home

this is me.... [30 Aug 2004|12:27am]
updating from my beautiful dorm room in gramercy park. i want to babysit uma thurmans kids.

i'm gonna be a dj at the sva radio station most likely so you better listen to me.

my roommates are good and one didn't show up.

ive met good people.

i like it here.

i think i'll be ok. i cried so much when my family left =( i really love them.

anyway im gonna have a talk with my roommates. have fun.
7 traffic lights| on the ride home

blah [10 Aug 2004|02:02pm]
[ mood | blah ]

i'm at work and it sucks. i'm sooooooooooooooooo bored!

entertain me please.

i finished all my work.

i leave in exactly 2 weeks. i'm not even close to being ready and i'm so scared. and oh good i still havent found out my roommates. hopefully today.

fear and loathing in las vegas is the bestttt movie. but i think to enjoy it you have to be super stoned and drunk... but its amazing. i love terry gilliam. the end.

ummm im excited b/c the faint are playing with tv on the radio. hello dance party of america in ny during cmj! i love that im moving there.

i want to go see napoleon dynamite again becuase its fucking amazing. gosh. haha.

i saw my little baby veronica. i missed her sooooo so much. we layed in her bed and talked and it was sooo nice because i havent seen her in 2348075 years and i get to see her again today hooray!

i also had the bestttt time with sasha ross and the married couple at their hotel room on the beach. ive been having a lot of fun lately. its great.

but everyone is practically leaving at the end of this week. its so depressing. and then its my turn.

at least my whole family is coming with me. i think that will make it better.

well my children... it would be nice if i see some of you before i leave. tell me you love me.

8 traffic lights| on the ride home

its been forever and a year [04 Aug 2004|10:58am]
[ mood | i love the magnetic fields ]

i guess a lot has happened since i last wrote. but my life is pretty uneventful.

i have a job which is where i am right now. and i love making money. ive been a shoe and makeup addict. thats where all my money goes. but i have hottt fucking shoes now. so its ok.

shopping online when my job gets boring has also been my demise.

oh well i still have money and i'll have more when i get a job in ny. i hope i sustain myself because i love to spend but i'm going to be VERY VERY poor.

oh i forgot. i went to orlando to visit little jacob!!! and i had SO much fun. Mum was incredible live and we danced so much at ibar and i loved it and it made me happy. and boogie nights was so good. ok im done about this now.

thats right ny. i'm moving in 20 days. that is ridiculous. the summer has gone by SO fast. i dont even know my roommates yet. i'm extremelly nervous. but i got a super hot bed set that i'm excited about.

i still need to shop for like everything else though.

i miss my little veronica. graces sister got married which was exciting. ive had a good summer hanging out with lots of people.

on monday i got into a car accident when i was driving with katlyn. well she was driving. it wasn't too bad. we're both ok. the car is not =( i dont really know what to write anymore.

it doesn't really seem fitting to update all of you about my life. most of you probably dont even care. oh well.

10 traffic lights| on the ride home

hooray! [04 Jul 2004|01:33am]
i am the proud new owner of a mac powerbook g4 and an ipod and an isight, i am soooo happy. buying your first mac is like magic haha everyone should go buy one!
14 traffic lights| on the ride home

i'm home! [28 Jun 2004|11:59am]
[ mood | life is good. im happy ]

so friends,
i am home from paris. i had an amazing time. took a million pictures that one day might be posted... turned 18! had the best night ever. i had a greattt time with sasha and grace. i wont forget it ever =) everyone needs to go to paris.

i'm also getting a real job. i need the money so i'm excited. i start in 2 days so i'm not jet lagged anymore ha.

i'm going to new york with jordanna! hooray. and staying with veronica even though she doesn't really know this yet haha.

and also... i miss all of you. and i havent spoken to the world in 25 years. soo please call me and hang out. and thennnnnnnnnnn

in 2 months i'll be in ny for good. life is good. i'm happy and legal now ha. \

the end.

11 traffic lights| on the ride home

i have a stalker and her name is... [08 Jun 2004|09:10pm]
[ mood | excited ]

myblacksweater's LJ stalker is avital!
avital is stalking you because they think you are rich and they want your blingbling. They are also eating your food when you aren't looking!

LiveJournal Username:

LJ Stalker Finder

also in other news.... I'M DONE WITH HIGHSCHOOL FOREVER!!!! oh and tomorrow is my graduation.

and i leave for paris in 4 days.

and my birthday is very soon.

and i leave for new york in about 2 and a half months. life is crazy.

i love you all.
3 traffic lights| on the ride home

my life is a mess... [06 Jun 2004|11:38pm]
i went to prom. i love my hair. i liked my makeup that night and the dress and shoes and everything... but the whole night was not so good.

things are not so good.

but i'm friends with avital again and that makes me very happy.

we went to poplife and vice which was a lottt of fun until certain things but thats was a good night. and i hope i see you more.

it was the last weekend of my highschool.

i love grace and sasha soooooo much. thank you for being there for me dear children. together the 3 of us leave for paris on saturday. i'm so excited but not even ready. i get to turn 18 there. i'm so glad i can share this with both of you.

i graduate in 3 days. its very scary. i can't believe i'll be done with highschool forever. i recieved my cap and gown and it all seems very surreal.

i'm also all registered in my classes for SVA. something doesn't seem right. it doesn't seem like i'm supposed to be here. its all moving to fast.

i don't know whats wrong lately. but there is a lot. i guess mostly at home. i really need to go away. i can't take it much longer.
6 traffic lights| on the ride home

and we'll all float on okay [10 May 2004|03:38pm]
i'm in loveee with the new modest mouse... i bought it a while ago and i never really listened... but i slipped it back in and i cant stop dancing to float on and all of it. its soo good and different i'm in love and the music video is great.

i've decided i need to direct music videos...that will make me happy. and i'll be good at it. that will be the perfect job for me.

i also had soooooo much fun at poplife this weekend. its been forever since i've been. i should go out more.

i'm failing school... but trying to get everything together so that i dont. missing 2 weeks killed me and the make up work is killing me even more.

the end.
6 traffic lights| on the ride home

things are amazing!!! [04 May 2004|03:16pm]
i got placed in grammercy. they changed me. i'm so excited. i'm going to be living in the most beautiful little building ever in grammercy park. hooooray!

come visit me.

i also got put on medicine today. and ate thai food with my mom.

life is good. i'm excited.

and i realized... i've gotten everything i've ever wanted. i really am a lucky girl =)
9 traffic lights| on the ride home

my new flock of seagulls haircut is better than yours... [03 May 2004|09:52pm]

6 traffic lights| on the ride home

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